My Pronouns and Gender Identity – What are Yours?

Do you guys ever start talking with people and just KEEP talking for days only to realize you never really asked each other’s names? I do this a lot. In fact, when I went to a job fair last month I walked up to a table and started asking questions and then got super flustered because the person interrupted me to tell me her name and shake my hand. And being the biggest derp out there I forgot what my name was and mumbled…something? Yes, not one of the brightest moments of my life

The reason I bring this up is that it kind of relates to something else I’ve been thinking about a lot lately – pronouns and gender identity (and sexuality but that’s for another day). Now, I’m not super versed on this subject so if I botch something up, please let me know!

Something that has been very prominent in the society I live in lately is the acceptance of things like pronouns and gender identity. At my school the Women’s and Gender Studies department made pronoun pins for students to take, they made tiny fliers with the different pronouns and why they are important, and during exhibits, I’ve noticed that pronouns are now placed next to artists names (along with the use of gender-neutral terms like Latinx and womxn). In one of my classes, my professor actually asked us to give our pronouns in our introduction, which I thought was super cool!

All of these things got me thinking about my own pronouns and how I don’t really know a lot of people’s pronouns online.

My Pronouns

This one is a little complicated and we’re going to get a little personal here. Now then, my pronouns are she/they. What does this mean in regards to me?

It means that I am okay being referred to as she/her and as they/them.

The reason that I am open to using both of these pronouns is that they are convenient and true. Convenient in the sense that I grew up as a girl and have used the pronoun “she” for many years, and in the sense that I find it inconvenient to have people change a pronoun I am okay with; however, I will admit that I identify more with they/them. In fact, in my artist bio, I only mention my pronoun as they/them. The story behind why I identify more with this pronoun is a wee bit less clear cut.

You see, when I was growing up I was always jealous of the fact that my brother was a boy. I wanted to be a boy but alas, I was stuck being a girl. I felt this the most during my high school days but in general, it’s a feeling that hasn’t changed. I don’t feel like I’m a boy in a girls body, but there’s a big part of me that thinks I would be much happier if I were a guy. I like to dress in guys clothing because they’re so much more comfortable, which drives my parents crazy (especially my mom). I’ve also noticed that when I’m comfortable I also sit “like a guy” (I recently learned this is called manspreading), something I attribute to the fact that I have always lived in a male dominant household and a bit to the fact that I want to be a guy. I also have mannerisms that people generally wouldn’t consider ladylike (who else burps super loud, what am I the only one?)

In fact, there was a time when I completely rejected anything feminine like girly clothing and makeup because I felt this way (my feelings might also have been influenced by feelings of misogyny, which I am now working through)

Gender Identity

This brings me to gender identity. What is gender identity? Gender identity is what gender we feel is appropriate to us and is independent of our biological sex. It can be male or female, or it can be nonbinary, which is outside of the male and female spectrum. Some people call this genderqueer, agender, third-gender, bigender, etc. I probably fall somewhere in the genderqueer area and move between “male” and female depending on circumstances and mood.

I know, I feel like I’ve just complicated things but let me attempt to explain (although even I’m not sure what this means or how it works – I’m still exploring)

There’s a reason I placed male in quotations. You see, there are times when I want people to see me as female. I want to express myself as feminine, wear a skirt, and attempt to wear some makeup (these feelings are usually followed by shame and pridefulness because I rejected this form of expression for so long). Then there are other times when I feel more masculine and I want to be viewed as a guy but not to the point where I would adopt the he/him pronoun. In those moments I identify more as they/them with a masculine expression. But on a neutral day, I tend to fall in the they/them identity with an androgynous gender expression (according to the genderbread person).

I suppose the simplest way to describe myself would be genderqueer or genderfluid (or, as I like to say, just Crimson). Are categories things I think about often? Not really but it is something I’ve thought about recently and it’s something that I want to learn more about

Gender Expression Online

When people talk about the internet it’s usually to say it’s a bad place for 1,000 reasons or it’s a good place because we can communicate with people around the world. I also found that it was (and is) a good place to express myself “correctly”. I’m not sure if you guys have noticed but I often use gifs and pictures with male characters on them. Yes, they tend to be my husbands and I love them, but also, I tend to associate myself more closely to them than I would female characters

In videogames, I would often switch profiles between male and female characters. I like to think that even my name (Crimson) is gender neutral, which is why it’s a name that has lasted with me as long as it has.

Oh my! This post got a little longer than I expected. Now that I’ve wrapped up my pronouns and gender identity, feel free to let me know yours! I feel like I’ve been really good about referring to new people as “they” (my gender neutral go to) both IRL and online, but I also think it’s important to start normalizing pronouns. I think bio sections on social media are a great place to add this information, but even IRL it’s something that should be talked about more often.

While I don’t consider myself an advocate, I do carry my they/them pin on my bag whenever I go out~

12 thoughts on “My Pronouns and Gender Identity – What are Yours?

  1. I love they/them since I am Agender (or Genderless). I have mixed feelings being born in a female body. Sometimes I like the option of wearing pink without fear of looks but i hate how everything is so gendered that you have to think twice when you wear something or how you sit or you risk comments tied to your perviced gender.

    Liked by 2 people

    • that’s so true!! i mostly have that problem at home. my mom hates it when i shop in the guys section and she’s always trying to buy me female clothes, which i’m not against but I like the more “tomboyish” look which she is also against *sigh* like why can’t people dress however they want without being labeled :/ the funny thing about pink that i learned recently is that it used to be a color for both men and women and was associated with class. it was especially used by men because of its association with red but now it’s a “feminine” color


  2. I read your post and loved it!!! I wish I hadn’t been so flustered when I wrote my first post and could have articulated like that. Thank you for clearing up exactly how he/them works, I wasn’t exactly sure.
    Anyway, any recommendations on how to dress? I already have a lot of male behaviors down, especially when I’m sitting or speaking, but I’m not exactly sure how to dress. I’m not out, so I’ve been going with jeans and a baggy sweatshirt because it’s what I’ve always worn and it seems to ease the dysphoria, but I’m starting to feel like I look unprofessional. I have these wonderful androgynous Chuck Taylors and a great haircut, so I think my real issue is just the top part, the sweatshirt.
    Anyway, PLEASE keep writing about this topic! It made me so happy to read something from someone sort of like me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No worries!! I mean, this post has been something I’ve wanted to do for some time but it wasn’t until recently that I felt I could write the post clearly. And wow, I’m so glad you liked this post! Tbh, I was confident with it in my drafts but once I posted it I was like ‘what if ppl don’t like it?! *panics*’ xD So I’m glad you did 🙂

      Oh, man dressing is so complicated, especially since I’m a ‘wear whatever is more comfortable’ type of person. For formal occassions, I would say use a button up or a nice and simple v neck (I actually prefer polos because I like the little pocket, I’m so simple-minded like that LOL). A blazer can make anything look professional imo. The nice thing about guy clothing is that there is so much variety! I like shirts with at least two colors or some sort of texture or design but it’s really up to you what type of clothes you want to wear. I guess some tips to not look unprofessional is no hoodies, no to little pop culture designs, and no extremely baggy clothes. Other than for formal occasions or idk job fairs or work hours, I say whatever makes you comfortable. I wear baggy clothes on a daily basis 🙂

      And AHH, I will attempt to!! I have a couple post ideas but I always take post suggestions so if there’s anything specific you want me to talk about just lmk here or via my contact sheet or social media accounts 🙂 thanks a bunch for your comments, I’m so happy!! T-T

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post. I’d not actually seen the genderbread person pic before, so that was pretty fun.
    I’m similar in many ways. I’ve linked an article I wrote on it below if you’re interested in seeing my thoughts in more detail, but basically, I was born male but identify as genderfluid. Pronouns, I’m happy for people to use he, she, or they depending on how they see me at any given time, provided their intent is not to cause harm. Like, if I’m presenting as female and someone uses male pronouns simply to try to upset me, that’s not cool, but a mistake is fine.

    Liked by 1 person

    • wow, i thought i’d replied to this already, sorry about that and I will def check it out! actually that’s a good point. I’ve never really thought about it but that has happened to me, where someone once called me “he” and i just went with it bc I didn’t detect any harm

      Liked by 1 person

      • For me, that’s always important. I’m not one for taking people to task over every error, so when it isn’t intended to harm, I don’t feel like it should be made a bigger deal than necessary. Sometimes, kindness and education is all you need 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey, I came to your post through a friend sharing it on twitter (Northern Plunder) and wanted to say its great to see people sharing more and talking about gender identity and pronouns 🙂

    The only things I would say is that its generally pronouns, rather than preferred pronouns, as for many people pronouns aren’t a “preference” but how they should be referred to as. I would also err on the side of caution when talking about male/female dress and male/female behaviours as I’ve seen it lead to a lot of people feel like they can only identify as male/female if they exhibit particular behaviours (like how they sit) or wear particular clothes.

    Liked by 2 people

    • thank you so much for checking this out! and thank you, i’ll make those changes O(-( i’m very bad at terms. i heard them called preferred pronouns which is why i used it but you’re right, they’re not a preference

      also, the clothing and behaviours is something i’m going to talk about on friday, i’m hoping that will clear up some of my thoughts on the issue but yes, i agree with you as well!

      Liked by 1 person

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