reaction: an Artemis Fowl Movie?

A few years ago, there was some news about an Artemis Fowl movie in the making and I was EXCITED and DREADING IT for two reasons. One, this was one of my favorite series and two, movies (especially in the fantasy genre) didn’t have a good track adaptation record. Of course, nothing came of this news, the years passed, and I stopped thinking about (and hoping for) an Artemis Fowl movie…until recently when I saw the Disney trailer for the Artemis Fowl movie set to release at the end of May this year!

Having just finished rereading the first Artemis Fowl book and thinking, yeah this is still in my top 10 books of my life, seeing this trailer made me cringe. I’d like to say that in the last few years I’ve become more open-minded about adaptations. I understand that a good adaptation doesn’t mean it has to follow the original source to a T but I can’t help it: WHAT IS THIS

Here are some “quick” initial thoughts:

💡 The dad is ugly. Ok, this doesn’t matter but I had to put it out there. Like, I imagined him to be more sophisticated looking (at least shaved), after all, the Fowls are a notorious billionaire criminal family and Artemis wears suits as a kid. But what I really want to say is that the dad is a problem. In the books, the dad is the catalyst to Artemis deciding to find the faeries and stealing their gold but in the movie the dad has too much of a focus. I could be wrong but it looks like HE found the faeries (and other magical things), worked with the faeries, kept their existence a secret, and even his potential criminal activities a secret from his family…? Ok, so maybe Artemis’s surprise could have been from his dad going missing instead of that but potentially. So then, why the heck should I even stan Artemis if his dad is apparently this cool??

💡 Holly and Artemis ALLIES?! As the story has changed, it makes sense for this to be “canon” but seriously, the reason Artemis was my idol was because he was a twelve year old genius who successfully swindled gold from the People. What exactly makes him special now? Mulch implies that he’s still the mastermind (in the first few seconds of the trailer) but I’m just not seeing it…not even knowing what his dad was up to? About the secret office under the manor? Or maybe he does know but we don’t see it in the trailer…?

💡 Why can Artemis physical activity?! That’s the one weakness that he had in the book to kind of balance out the fact he was a criminal mastermind. He’s too perfect, my eyes!

💡 WHY does Holly look like she’s twelve?! It’s pretty obvious she’s not three feet tall so why couldn’t an older actress play her role? I mean, she’s like 80 years old and working so at least make her look like she’s eighteen? Or something. And speaking of Holly, why is she light skinned?! She’s supposed to be brown. Like, yes, we can make Butler black but our main character must not be…?

💡 I can’t believe Root is a woman!!! In the book, the reason Holly is considered special (aside from being able to kick butt, being a good healer, and having a heart of gold, hehe) is that she’s the first female officer in the LEP. Now that Root is Commander…well, that changes the politics. Also, would that mean Root is now Julia? Also Root isn’t the right color either. Farewell my Beetroot!

💡 Mulch?! You mean Hagrid right? Technically I don’t have an issue with how he looks. That’s surprisingly close enough to how I imagined him but he looks just as big as Butler…I know, I know, where to find a tiny Mulch. But then…there are tiny goblin looking things in the trailer, why not just CG all our faerie creature friends too?

Those were my initial thoughts after watching the trailer once. After I calmed down a little I decided to rewatch it a couple of times and I still keep with many of my initial thoughts, however, I did see that Opal is part of the movie. Opal appears in later books and then I got to thinking, what if this movie is an amalgamation of a few of the books? Since I’m only just rereading the books, I can’t really make more connections than the few I’ve made with the first book but perhaps it’s possible? That mixed in with some changes from Disney (like the dad’s role)

I’m liking the music and I think it helps amplify the badass vibe it seems to be going for. It does seem a bit out of place but I think it can work. And I am digging the faerie creatures that are NOT the main characters, which is funny because shouldn’t (at minimum) it be the other way around?

I am anticipating this movie, regardless of what I think of the trailer. I mean, it’s ARTEMIS FOWL, just take my freakin money!! But I am confused as to how things will work out with everyone under stay at home orders…will they just drop it on their streaming service? I’m curious!

Let me know what you think!

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